Cracks In Everything

I am in disbelief that I made it through this week, the work load beyond my own comprehension, my entire body acts and feels like it did when I first had a baby, an entire shock has hit from lack of sleep. And yet, I am most surprised at how much I have learned so quickly, and most definitely, my relationship with light. I used to look at images, wanting to capture and shoot moments, and those moments were what made my love of photography happen, and it became a beautiful hobby to express creativity, which of course, led me here.
Now I feel as if I just moved in with photography.
We are done with the infatuation of two teenagers who love the idea of each other and now we are sharing towels, cleaning up messes, fighting and making up, establishing territory over different things, some with ease and excitement, other moments have been illusions crashing down like brick walls.
Now instead of the moment or image I am waiting to capture, I am literally "seeing the light."
It doesn't seem to even matter anymore what images are waiting or what moment or dinner or party I attend, my head and eyes are without a doubt obsessed with the light, where it goes, how it hits, and that fact alone has changed everything between photography and me.
It is dirty, exciting, and I fail and fail and fail, and yet, I see a glow hit a child on the seat next to me from a perfect ray and I am there, it's student, and I follow where it leads me. Another student here said they saw a chick on the road actually sitting with her butt outside the window of her car, grasping the side of the hood, camera in hand, people honking. I yelled at her for not taking that shot, and wondered what she had seen, and hope to be just like her, fully committed to "seeing the light."
Studio light has been my most challenging area, the hurdles of lines and angles and control throw curve balls not to me but at me, and I need it desperately, light calling me for even a deeper relationship then we have now, wanting me to grow and so I will.
"Forget Your Perfect Offering..There is a Crack in Everything.
"That is How the Light Gets IN."

This photo was captured at work, the place I hate to be, but saw the light, and it was gone right after. It was ironic the entire staff took an offering for me to get my car fixed, a moment of shock and beauty of a miracle I never saw coming, they handed me the gift at the spot I had captured the week before.
The ugliest part of the restaurant showed me something else, the way out of an unmovable spot in life was released in the very place I had not ever seen.